This is not my ceiling
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
