? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
