So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
