I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
