weddingsv make me drug and hornr
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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