I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
