omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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