Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
