Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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