Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
