i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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