I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
