If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
im holly from the hills drunk
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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