I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
