just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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