we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i think i have two assholes
My vagina just recognized that song.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
