My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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