any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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