if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
