I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
