How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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