Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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