just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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