Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
