Got a toothbrush?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
