the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
