Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
