ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
