my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
