If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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