In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
