Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
