isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
