there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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