Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
