I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
