oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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