suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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