She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
