If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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