I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
