so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
