You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
