those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
