Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I can't turn off my feet"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
