I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
