Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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