i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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