He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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