I think im going to throw up on grandma
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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