yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
