Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
