Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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