i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
