how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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