i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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