I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
